How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Drake has all the answers
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize