she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
where are my eyebrows?
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