the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
