im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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