Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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