I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
