Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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