you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i came on her dog
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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