FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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