I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
