Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
