It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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