She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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