I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
