what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
