THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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