I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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