before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
