The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
