I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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