I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
