Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
