I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize