Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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