when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
