Quick, to the slutcave!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
