from now on my penis is your penis
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Randomize
