Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
