i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
how does that bad decision feel?
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