That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
