New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
