Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize