This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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