The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have tasted many bathrooms
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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