I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize