Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
