Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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