dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
