I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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