last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
