I want to have your abortion
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
