I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize