I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
