Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
