I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
