Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
