Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
