And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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