I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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