Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
