Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize