that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
