you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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