I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
