Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
