Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I die, sorry about rent.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
