that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
