Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
