So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
