someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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