So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
