im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize