My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
