there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
