filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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