Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Floor bacon is actually really good
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
