I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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