I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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