Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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