Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
