I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
